So I’ve been working on something rather difficult the last few months, a letter; perhaps one of the most difficult and poignant letters in my life. I think I got it right. I’m not going to go into the gory details because it is not really something I’m proud of or want just anyone to know about me.
The high level summary: an ‘event’ occurred a couple of years ago and that event was dealt with poorly or should I say…never dealt with at all. I’ve struggled, put it on the back burner, sought professional help and hoped that the situation would rectify itself (sums up how I handle most difficult situations). I finally realized or accepted that this situation was not going to go away without action from me. Of course not any ole action would do, especially if I wanted to consider those that I care immensely for.
I prayed, sought advice, listened to what others had to say, internalized everything and finally I figured out what my problem was; I was focused more on how to ‘handle’ them instead of me. (Angels singing)
Once I figured out the crux of my blockage the clouds parted and I gained instant clarity. This ‘event’ is about me and those that I care about. The question I had to ask myself is “what actions do I need to take in order to move on for the sake of happiness and living a more fulfilling life?” “How can I make peace with all of this?”
That is such a powerful word to me. It is a word I believe some people use to ‘sweep things under the carpet’. In my opinion many offer forgiveness but cannot or will not deal with the hurt, pain and disappointment to prevent a similar occurrence.
I thought about that, this event cannot be swept under the carpet but two things are key…1. I now know I am not responsible for other ADULTs behavior. 2. I cannot make ADULTs do things they are not capable of doing. Because I now know and accept this I can forgive because anger and bitterness just make you a victim and I refuse to become one.
I also pulled the ole “Dr. Phil” and asked myself how the current situation is working out for me…it’s not. I’m angry and bitter. A different path for me it is. I wrote a letter, voiced my concerns, and offered forgiveness in the purest form. I have made it clear that I don’t condone the actions that were taken and I still hope for some kind of recovery process but I do not expect it. It is up to them to decide to reconcile, not me. I’ve made peace with the fact that may never happen. If it does then we are better off that we all are now and we will take it as it comes with the well-being of the family in the forefront.
The best thing is…I didn’t cry when I composed the letter for the second, third, fiftieth time. That is so not like me. That could mean one of two things: 1. my heart is hardened and the bitterness has taken over (I don’t believe this for a minute) 2. I am doing the right thing and saying the right words because they are the truth, non-accusing and I am not seeking/expecting action and I’m ok with that. I’m choosing to own the power of happiness. (Dang…Tyra Banks is going to come around the corner at any minute yelling ‘panty party’.)
The clouds are still hovering because I haven’t talked the letter over with the hubby but I do currently have a sense of relief and a viable plan for possibilities if they chose to show themselves.
Lesson learned from all this. You are in control of your dreams, your happiness and well-being. There are obstacles that may get in the way but it is up to you to redirect your path in order to move forward toward a rewarding and fulfilling life. It’s never too late to redirect. Those redirections are what open our eyes and make us stronger.
Life, Love and Happiness…have a new meaning to me than just something you see and read on a wall décor plaque hanging in a store.